Understanding the Neurology and Social Construction of our kids

A.J. after receiving his new prescription glasses,
so intent on describing all the finer detail
of what he now can see around him 

When we become a parent, being a mere 'Neurotypical', to an Autistic or special needs child, we slowly realise what they encounter in everyday life due to their differences, while facing situations that others will take for granted as being simple common-sense actions behaviours and mannerisms.

To understand how the neurology of any child can differ is one thing, although to realise what that means for our special kids (and ASD adults) is another.

Knowing how they may struggle socially with basic concepts, and situations relating to specific social cues and complex social situations; struggling with the concept of 'Idioms' and hidden meanings within words and conversations, and how this will

effect the progress of their daily social construction.

Most of our kids rely on Visual Recognition when processing different areas of life skills, although they still struggle with the concept of facial recognition in regards to expression, emotion, and so much more.

When A.J. sees the whole “Black and White with no Grey to be seen scenarios” in all its glory, and faces his non-understanding of certain life skills, we try to help by re-wording or re-phrasing conversation pieces to allow him the understanding of what we are describing or explaining, giving him the option to be involved and pro-active socially.

This doesn't make him or others Alien trying to understand a new language, it's simply wanting another description or explanation.

I, myself, have had moments when a comment or explanation given to me had me ask for a more extensive description, etc, to better understand the other person's take on what was said; so it would be understandable to expect the same response from a child still feeling their way through life.

A.J. can be so explicit and precise when telling his stories with descriptions and explanations finely detailed, you could imagine being there viewing it yourself, and yet at the same time can be so complex due to his take on things, resulting in others feeling it too far fetched to grasp the concept.

When discussing topics of interest to others, chatting in a so-called friend-to-friend manner, sharing likes and dislikes, or life stories, he struggles to understand how to give and receive responses to and from others; instead he speaks in a scripted dialogue as though straight from the pages of an encyclopaedia, fully engaged in discussing his topic of interest without realising others may not be as engaged or have the same passion as he does.

This has not stopped A.J. from continuing to tell his stories, as he has learnt a confidence far beyond bullying and prejudice.

With encouragement we have taught him that as an individual he has the right to a voice and he will be heard; so now he continues to express this 'right' regardless of what others think or do.

With all this new confidence A.J. has realised he has a talent for knowledge recall, in regards to almost all things he has learnt seen and heard, he has therefore decided to place himself in the same category as Einstein and Oprah with the concept he too will become something marvellous and famous when he grows up.

With the belief he has taught himself all the knowledge he holds, feeling the teachers at his primary school never understood his true ability, he now has the assurance these abilities will give him greatness one day.

I just love his confidence and enthusiasm.

During this school semester, A.J.'s progress gave him the chance to join a couple of additional mainstream subject classes, one being 'Drama'.

I was actually quite happy he chose to become involved, believing he could release some of his more theatrical attributes.

His teacher, wanting to learn and understand a little more of her students personalities, and had them do an assignment, in a letter form, describing different aspects of their personal life, including hobbies, likes + dislikes, family content, history stories, and what they would like to get out of Drama classes.

I have included part of A.J.'s draft copy (with his full permission) to give a better understanding of his quirkiness.............

My name is A.J.

I'm 13.5 yrs old; I was born in the Blue Mountains, on March 02.

I like to play games on my Playstation 3. I like jumping on my Trampoline.

I dream the weirdest things.

My favourite thing to do is sit down and lie down because I believe that using any of my heartbeats for no reason at all is a severely waste of heartbeats and time.

No, I'm not lazy, if there was a true purpose to exercise then I would.

I live with my Nan and Pop; I used to live with my pet dog, Tess, too, but she died.

My typical day is; I wake up from 5am to 7am, play my Playstation 3 until 8am; I then take my medication; I have breakfast and get dressed; then at 8.45am I go to school. At 3.20pm I go straight home to the Playstation 3; at 6pm I have dinner, then have a shower, and Nan tells me to go to sleep at 8pm, I watch T.V. and at 10pm I fall asleep.

During my time at primary school there wasn't anything that I really enjoyed.

I joined the Chess Club, but it wasn't a club it was just a yearly competition; and so I thought why don't we have a daily or weekly club?

I asked the teachers if we could have some board games outside, I realised other kids agreed with me, although the teachers still wouldn't agree, so I started a peaceful revolution and in the end the rebellion was successful, in a way, and they agreed to the terms of surrender. We were allowed to take any un-used board games from the Lunch Club out to the shelter area to play. So A.J. was Victorious!

I have Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD-combined; Generalised Anxiety Disorder; Sensory Sensitivity Disorder; Mild Receptive and Moderate Expressive Language Delay; Sleep Initiation Disorder; Lumbar Spinal Scoliosis; and other things too.

I cannot understand when people say things inaccurately, people say they're not “technical”, I point this out to them that I just don't know what they mean when they're “not technical” or “abbreviating things”.

When I have trouble understanding something, it will not help me by hearing the exact same explanation over and over again, when I have trouble understanding, I recommend/suggest that you try to explain it in other ways, completely different, even possibly oblivious to the other explanations.

I cannot handle some noises, although I like at least a little noise to know I'm not the only one around, there are certain noises I cannot put up with, one is like a scratching sound, a repeated very rapidly static scratching sound that I really hate.

I would like to learn about- the theory of Atoms and the true different types; and about flexibility against my Scoliosis, because every time I try to get comfy sitting down I cramp my body.

I would like to learn about Perception, of people around me, and figure out where the names and things come from.

I haven't had any experience with Drama. I enjoy motion actions in a drama sense.

I would really like to know how Neighbours and Home & Away has anything to do with drama, because Nan says that the shows are Drama, and yes Nan watches them.

Nan says I'm always dramatic and I would enjoy drama.

Thankyou for reading this letter about my life,

sincerely,

A.J. #yolo (that says -'you only live once')

Every day we see different situations and actions by our kids that others will view as being weird and different, and without the understanding of what and why it happens this can be the cause of distance and isolation for our kids, as others hesitate to make that connection, or our kids miss the crucial social cues acknowledging the acceptance others may offer.

Every day we all face new and differing experiences that can affect us individually depending on our personal take on the situation. Even us simple Neurotypicals can and do have times of overwhelming confusion, stress and anxiety, and as such will alienate ourselves from social interactions in different forms.

When we can relate, in some part, to how others may feel and try to understand that we 'are' all different in some way, we may then be able to associate with a person as to what they could bring to that specific moment in time and appreciate their individuality and expression as a learning experience.

Just my personal take, as one who has learnt so much from one single beautiful imaginative soul, that I call my Grandson, the love of my life.