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| A.J. -remembering back and always staying positive |
When
people view our little one's Meltdowns they are quick to label them
as 'Tantrums' and being 'Brats', believing we should find ways to
discipline their behaviour.
The
first thing I like to say and acknowledge is that “Punishment does
not produce Learning”
In
general, the notion of a punishment is used as a technique to
reinforce specific learning, with the expectation that there are
consequences to what is seen as “Logical” bad behaviour, due to
the teacher/parent/person believing that a rule has been broken.
Although
in reality a 'meltdown' is the child reacting to the “Natural”
forces of nature and an uncontrollable physical action/reaction by
their body in relation to unknown sensory sensitivities.
Therefore
the outcome of any punishment will be additional confusion to the
child, knowing they have not “intentionally” acted in a negative
or disobedient way.
Regardless
of the reason for 'any' type of behaviour, the use of a punishment is
always a pointless and useless exercise, especially when realising
and accepting our children's non understanding of typical social cues
and codes of behavioural acceptance.
While
most of our children's behaviour can be labelled under many sensory
processing triggers or underlying Autism issues, we still need to
acknowledge and process a way to push past them and minimise any
adverse reactions for our kids.
By
using positive encouragement as a learning tool for acknowledging and
rewarding good behaviour, we can then direct our focus on the initial
triggers and the 'pre-actions' prior to a meltdown to understand what
is causing them and why, then we can work through the process to know
what can be done to help, while also arranging a structured routine
to hopefully minimise any additional reactions.
Setting
out a specifically structured daily timeline and initiating a regular
routine roster, with clear expectations of what is going to happen
and when, will take away a lot of confusion with the unknown that may
cause any stress or anxiety resulting in the roller coaster of
emotions that others view as a Tantrum.
With
the use of social stories we can then set out clear visual guidelines
of what each day will entail, showing each task, routine, action,
etc.
Sometimes
we may find the triggers are noises or light distractions and other
sensory disturbances, if this is the case we can then work a way to
hopefully minimise contact with these issues.
To
bring you back in time to when our little man first came to live with
us, without any knowledge to his diagnosis or what the future would
hold.
His
actions at the time were definitely confusing and uncontrollable, he
would refuse to sleep at all, with his continual crying, screaming,
and irratic behaviour an ongoing concern; all of which could have
easily been misinterpreted as disobedience.
All
we saw was a small frightened, disoriented, and confused little boy
needing all the support, love and attention we could give; so we
worked through a process plan to help unravel the maze and bring our
little man into a better balanced lifestyle.
Unsure
what we were really dealing with gave us a clear slate to work with;
focusing on what was most important, we began with the basics of
eating, toileting, sleep, speech process and so much more.
I
locked myself away to focus 100% on his needs and how best to
overcome each task.
Although
at times this can be difficult to achieve, we should always
acknowledge that our children need to be given their own individual
quality time and attention.
Sitting
on the floor with flashcards and games, face-to-face, I would slowly
indicate actions, words, and tasks, asking A.J. to repeat them back
to me, while always assuring he had his focus directly at the task we
are working on.
Repetition
is the key to many areas of knowledge and even now, many years later,
we still work hard on maintaining a regular routine structure.
Calm,
gentle tones, and single actions, with no pressure or rushed
expectations, finding ways to make the process enjoyable and fun.
When things become stressed and distracting, take a break and focus
on something they find enjoyable.
All
these are the best stepping stones when working to progress through
'any' situation.
The
next step to take is to remind ourselves that even as adults we can
also face days of emotional turmoil while being presented with
different situations beyond our control causing confusion, stress,
and anxiety.
Our
best results for working through any negative moments was to give a
“time-out” and settle A.J. into a specific pre-chosen area till
he calmed down. This was never treated as a punishment, it was as
stated a Time-Out to take a breath and regroup our thoughts, this
will benefit them and us.
Afterwards
we would always calmly discuss the outburst, while understanding that
sometimes they are unaware or unable to explain or describe what had
happened or why.
At
this point I had already been documenting many different areas of
A.J.'s history and realised I should start a journal specifically for
his daily routine schedule, and while jotting down his timetable of
events we later came to realise so many triggers that were causing
stress and anxiety for him; unfortunately at the time we were unable
to change a few issues although understanding what was happening and
why made it a lot more easier to deal with.
In
any family, all members have a role to play and expectations to what
is required from them, using the process of the roster system we can
work on gaining overall stability and a calm settled environment.
If
the child sees consistency with their parents and siblings it will be
easier for them to also maintain the same balance.
If
a meltdown does occur, working together with a pre-planned action
process will assist to bring stability back to the household.
My
belief is that regardless of the underlying reasons kids react with
any of the things they do, all actions should be dealt with in the
same manner; acknowledge the triggers, accept the issue has occurred
and move on towards a “resolution”.
Hoping
this will give you a foundation to work your personal action plan and
roster systems.
Happiness
and Calm to all xxxx
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