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| A.J. with his new best friend Laura, our baby mini-foxy |
While accepting that so much is still ahead for us, we try to focus as much as possible on the positives. I'm so proud of where this year alone has taken A.J. educationally, never giving up, and always willing to try what's placed before him, regardless of his struggles.
Living a life that is so difficult to really relay in words, for others to truly comprehend, although some may say we are one of the lucky ones, as he can talk and go to school and so much more than some other ASD kids; and yes that may be true, but it still doesn't take away from what he has achieved to get here, including other non-autism related issues he had to face that “no” single child should have ever been exposed to; knowing it has definitely scarred him emotionally, with some aspects still not getting any easier for him to address.
When A.J. came into our home I knew all normal rules were being thrown out the door.
I had to give up work and be with him 24/7, although I had no idea at that point to what lay ahead for us all, I still knew I needed to help make him feel comfortable while assisting him to gain some form of normality.
As we learnt what our future held, we were still so grateful to have the chance to experience being a part of A.J.'s life. The truth being that with so many other variables that had previously been placed before him, A.J. may have met some very scary options as his outcome that would have left us without the chance to experience anything at all of this beautiful soul.
Learning and understanding the differences autistic people face, not only internally but externally as well, accepting the quirky behaviours as 'just that' is the first step to bringing calm, stability, and normality into the home.
The issues we face daily are common for many families, struggling to understand how to maintain a normal lifestyle for their autistic child and the whole family unit, and is one that causes the most stress for parents continually. However I have personally found since we decided to 'not' worry so much regarding what others think, choose our battles to what is most important, and have set out a routine structure that works for our family regardless of how it looks from the outside to those viewing it.
We don't have to justify any of the why, how, when, where, who, or what’s, that we have set up and instigated, as long as we have what works for us it's no-one else’s business.
Our little man requires a strict routine, precise time schedule, to the second, to help him understand and cope with the process of the day, although he can still take all day to finish a specific task.
Mornings are the hardest to initiate, so we have set a routine around the requirements and his necessities. While A.J. can really struggle with his sleep pattern, a common problem for our ASD kids, as the levels of 'Melatonin', a naturally produced chemical found in the brain to help us know when to sleep and when to wake, can be minimal than what is required relying then on medical assistance to replace what is lacking.
With this we can have days when he struggles to motivate himself and function due to lack of sleep, so we have to accommodate his routine to cope.
Don't wake him before “he's” ready.
Don't go in his room using certain high pitched tones, “the sweet nice sounding voice” as he puts it.
If 'his' routine is disturbed or changed, even the order of which each step is taken, he can unravel and won't be able to get organised for the rest of the day.
Most people will notice repetitive actions and behaviours by our kids, these are used to help keep themselves calm when things aren't going quite right and a necessity at times; this is called “self-regulating”.
A.J.'s version of this at the moment, which is also called “stimming”, is chatting and chanting, 'performing' his poems that he has written, or as A.J. like to call them, his special “Raps”, at any given time or place, as the desire takes him.
The verses and topics are very deep for a 13 year old, his psychologist describing him as having an 'in-depth' deep-and-meaningful thought process, far mature and beyond his years.
The other kids at school have also heard him chanting and will now often ask him to repeat them so they can hear. This has helped A.J. to fit-in and feel as though he's being accepted.
Another calming tool we have seen as a benefit is the use of 'therapy pets'. Some are trained, some are ones that just come about. For A.J. he was lucky to spend years with our adorable fox terrier Tess, spending time wandering outside in our yard, having little 'conversations' together and allowing the down-time needed to regroup after a bad day at school or after a sensory overload moment. As I previously posted our much loved friend passed away in June after 15 years of being a lovingly and adored member of our family.
After a long thought out decision we decided that A.J. really needed that connection again so we sought out the perfect new addition to also find her place in our hearts.
Our new addition has just recently arrived and the two have already bonded well, with our little miss 'Laura' a mini-foxy has already gained a habit of visiting A.J. each morning to help him with his waking process.
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