Focusing on Emotional Health and giving the right supports to our kids.

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Emotional health is the personal experiences relating to self-esteem, self-respect and resilience. It is the experience of acceptance, and happiness that helps to naturally move you to a state of emotional wellness.

As I begin on this topic I wish to firstly address the fact that everyone in some form or another can, has, or will face one of the many different forms of Mental Health.

Whether it be stress, anxiety, or something more severe; so for this reason we all need to be vigilant in being aware of changes in moods or sudden unusual behaviours of our loved ones, as this could be the early warning signs of underlying issues.

Parenting special needs children means facing the management of life and family situations a lot differently than how normal (or neurotypical) families do.

Being a grandparent/carer I personally know quite well the many differences that families can and have faced, from raising our own 3 children, when there was absolutely no community knowledge, understanding, or supports for the different forms of the stated “Invisible disabilities”.

Along with our two neurotypical children, we also faced the realisation of raising our youngest child with learning delays and ADHD, while knowing there was absolutely no official support, guidance, or understanding from any professional or educational support services, this more-so as we lived in a remote area without availability of any form including the much needed medical supports, etc.

So we faced the additional demands to help him with his many life issues on our own, as a small family, while struggling to truly understand what it meant for him and us.

The expectations of the day was to conform and do as everyone else did regardless and with no exceptions. Therefore 'we' were the ones dedicating all our time to assist with his needs and academic progress, while hoping we were taking the right path.

Our other children later complained they were missing out on things and felt they weren't getting the attentions they believed they deserved.

Although unintentional on our behalf, believing we had planned outings and time management to consider everyone and to counteract the additional support required for our youngest, the others still managed to gain that mindset that remained through their life and even today they struggle with the concept they felt by missing out on our time and attention.

I am not going to pretend that everything is a lot easier now, on the contrary, I will be quite honest in saying that still many people have no idea how to support these kids, and many families don't know they do now have the chance to gain additional supports.

Unfortunately the services that are available aren't being properly advertised and promoted for the lay-person to know what they can access, where to go, who to ask, or if they even fit the criteria for assistance.

We as a family faced this again as we searched for assistance for our grandson when he came into our care. No-one would confirm we were entitled to supports with his early delays and even when finally gaining a diagnosis we were told there wasn't any support for us to access in our area.

Now 10 years on, we are still waiting to gain the confirmation he has been approved access to the NDIS, to then start supports that we are struggling to finance ourselves.

Aged 13, A.J. is struggling with the symptoms of his scoliosis, inflamed as he goes through dramatic growth spurts and the pain connected with it.

Along with this his sensory issues are also in full swing, while also facing the emotional turmoil of not understanding why it's all happening to him.

Accessing psychologists and occupational therapists helping A.J. (and us) to wade through all this, setting up planning programmes and schedules have always made life a little easier, although remembering to regularly re-evaluate each programme as he becomes older and needing different supports.

We are now ready to access chiropractors and physiotherapists, as well as dental treatment for braces, along with other medical and dietary supports.

These are all required to help with the many additional 'co-morbid' conditions that are connected to a high percentage of people diagnosed with ASD.

As this can become an all consuming lifestyle at times, we can alleviate many of the stressors for all family members by making sure we are organised and have an action plan and daily routine schedule set out, covering all aspects and requirements to assure a smooth-sailing process.

As a family network we should all take measures to assure we live a relaxed lifestyle, keeping the household calm and stable, enjoying different activities while socialising and interacting together, in whatever form each individual is able and capable of doing so.

This is a very important part of a parent's responsibilities, and should never be taken for granted. Listen to your children, take time out together for some one-on-one time.

All this will help you notice if there are any sudden changes in their personality, to allow you to step in quickly, and avoid any serious outcomes.

To determine if your child is coping well when addressing the area of emotional health, the first thing to concentrate on is lowering their stress levels; finding ways to keep your kids calm and relaxed will help support this.

Some suggested requirements to help, starting with the basics:-

-be prepared and organised-

Always be prepared in advance, having an organised schedule showing all tasks, activities, and requirements, where they can see what is happening and when it will occur, this will take away that surprise shock situation that they can't cope with.

Always allow plenty of time to prepare for different activities or events to eliminate any stressful moments caused by rushing.

Planning some “chill-out” moments between any activity or event that may cause stress will also keep things running at a more settled pace.

Organise a healthy lifestyle, with sleep, exercise, and dietary intake; these are all vital to ensure the brain and body gets the sustenance needed to function efficiently.

I will agree this is the hardest area to get right, although if made a priority and planned out well, making it a regular part of your daily routine schedule, it will soon become second-nature for you and your child.

Make it fun and exciting and get them involved in the preparation, letting them be responsible for choosing certain aspects.

Sleep-time routine is very important and very difficult for our kids.

Again start a routine around how and when they go to bed, include some down-time with quiet reading together, this will help them settle. Removing anything that will stimulate them such as electronic devices or TV, add some calming quit background music such as “white noise” or environment sounds such as 'rainforest' or 'water', etc.

again don't rush it, allow a gradual process and regularity will eventually show results.

Getting active with regular exercise can help release tension and create a happy aura, while also being a great family activity. It doesn't have to be as strenuous as a full sporting commitment, start off by walking your dog, a casual exercise routine, or a fun-time dance session with the family.

A lot of kids have limited food tolerances and this can be more difficult.

Limit the stressful urgent need to force them to eat, instead allowing your child to be involved in the process, they could start a 'vege' garden with you, choose and help with the cooking process, depending on age they can still participate in some form.

They could be slowly introduced to trying different foods, if they don't like it initially don't force it, just state they may want try something else or try again at a later date.

The most important factor is assuring they are drinking plenty of water.

A.J. spent many, many months/years eating only chicken nuggets and pasta, so rather than becoming stressed, we added 'Sustagen' and 'S26 toddler progress' formula in his milk drink until he started eating a more sustainable diet.

Even now we will add some vitamin supplements if he isn't maintaining his intake.

With everything you address, the best lessons are learnt with visual samples, most kids learn and understand more when they view others doing the action or behaviour, seeing step-by-step examples, repetition of action, in a calm and stable environment.

Remembering if a stressful situation arises, becoming unstable, the best thing is to take a time-out and allow everything to return to calm before continuing.

Prevention is the key! Identifying the unique warning signs your child may display will assist in helping to avoid situations reaching boiling point, when utilised to defuse any escalation of emotions.

When seeing an anxious moment you could use the sign to initiate some playful fun to lighten the mood, diverting attention away from a stressful situation or event.

Start a funny moment, or tell a joke, always include something that will bring a smile to their day.

Lastly always start the conversation, when they're in a positive attitude and mood, regarding their feelings and emotions, talk about things that make them Happy, Sad, Mad, Hurt, Confused, Scared, and more.

Help them to understand what each emotion is, why they need them, and how to control them. Use examples from TV, books, and personal experiences, after they arise, to share what 'did happen' against what 'should-have happened'.

But most of all let them know they are loved and cared about, and that we will always, always be there, to pick up the pieces, and start the journey again, no matter how many times, or how long it takes, until they can do it on their own.