a time of reflection......

This post is one that's so hard to write, not because I don't want to share it, but because the context in itself is still so hard to fathom and comprehend, even though I'm living it.

The Christmas season is generally a great time to gather family and friends together to celebrate the joys that life has bestowed upon us, rejoicing in all that is good.

Letting go of everything else and allowing ourselves the time to relax and be in the moment while enjoying time with those that matter most.

Over the years my family has formed a great routine, allowing us all a chance to join with our extended families while also accommodating everyone's own personal time schedules.

Across the days leading up to, during, and after Christmas, we get together in different settings and at different homes to enjoy each others company and traditions.

These routines may change over the years as the families have grown and situations changed but the basis of getting together to share our love of each other remains the same.

During this time I always find myself reflecting on how my life has gone over the past year, appreciating all that has been good for me and my family.

With all the joy and festivities surrounding us, we also need to acknowledge those out there that this just doesn't ring true for, so many people who are alone, without the resources to gain that “Xmas Spirit” that others take for granted, give a thought to those less fortunate, struggling to make ends meet, causing more stress and anxiety due to the expectations that the season brings.

The smallest of things can bring a sadness that overshadows what should be a joyous time.

While looking at the sad and negatives of life, admitting I too hold sadness inside my own personal life, I brush it aside knowing regardless I am still more fortunate than others.

However I still know how this sadness overshadows so much, wondering how the events actually occurred, what was the lead-up I may have missed, could I have done things differently, and how can we change it now? While I still know and believe my actions at the time were the right thing to do, unfortunately the results were not what I expected.

Over the years while raising my own three children I have always faced each day knowing they were my priority and their needs were always met first. Teaching them they needed to work for what they received, but lovingly giving before receiving or taking for myself.

At times they may not have liked the choices I made for them, although believing they will one day understand why, as I did myself.

After years of being the one to always step up taking the reigns trying to help make other people's wrongs right again, this one is just too hard and too much has gone on with it that I feel I can't be the one left to fix it. I am hurting inside with all that has happened and although I’ve done everything right the outcome is still stagnant with no resolution.

I know I hear you all saying why am I talking in riddles, but as I stated, this is so hard to fathom I dare not let the words reach this page and allow the truth hurt me even more.

Let me just say that while family can expect so much from us, and with that we can willingly give regardless, sometimes that may still never be close to enough for these people. The results may then be we have to take a step back and walk away from all the mayhem and simply say “Stop!! This is 'Enough', I cannot do any more.”

When one person continually works at keeping things together, this isn't enough to keep that binding strong, especially when the other person/people are unravelling those ties that should be holding everything tight.

When hurtful words and accusations are slung around the only thing that sticks is negativity and nothing can change that, especially when others aren't willing to work together in the same direction for the same outcome.

Sometimes walking away to take a break and breath again, as much as it may hurt inside, is the best thing to do for our own 'self preservation'.

This doesn't mean we don't care anymore, or that we are the one's in the wrong, it simply means we can no longer assist in the situation for a positive outcome, no matter how much it hurts and how we still hold the pain inside, wanting everything to be alright.

As confusing as this may be to you all, I don't need to get into the specifics to get the point across that all families can fight and argue and refuse to see the bigger picture, no matter how bad things are we all need to find ways to mend those bridges and bring that family unit back together, because whatever the one thing remains......

-life is too short – don't leave things till it's too late – you don't have time for regrets.

Happiness and calm to all.