Finding Special Moments to share is very important......

A.J. playing with our new little addition Laura,
they are becoming very good friends 

A.J. happily mumbling to himself, caught me off guard today as I prepared our breakfast, when suddenly he was standing directly in my line of movement.

“Hey Nan! I have a quiz for you.........What is the opposite of L.O.L. -laugh out loud?”

Without really thinking about what he had said as I tried to set the food onto the table.

I replied, “sorry hunn I'm not sure?”

A.J. responds - “The answer is C.I.Q. -cry in quietly!!”

“YES you may bask in the brilliance of my knowledge.”

me – “Hmmm...... yes you're very clever”, I reached over and kissed him on the forehead.

Entertaining us with Philosophical conversations are the highlight of A.J.'s mornings.

He delights in being involved in his ritual daily discussion and question time.

Before I have had my morning cuppa, he will bombard me with requests for all the background information or meanings of a particular word he has chosen, some I haven't heard of or some I have to take a second to think about and what the exact meaning is.

He will then discuss the finer points and minute details of the differing descriptions to that day's specific word, and then find ways to debate or 'all but contradict' my findings, comparing what 'he knows' to what I have discussed with him.

Sometimes this will then become a droning flurry of words in a robotic monologue tone, that will become faster and faster till the words all jumble together; and due to his speech being unclear during normal conversations, we may then struggle to understand what he is trying to say, and ask him to repeat what was said. This will then cause him to become upset and agitated as he believes we are not listening to him, causing a stressful anxiety attack, that will then evolve into a full blown meltdown.

And we all know what that means!!

Why is it so hard some days?

No matter how calm, and settled, and patient we try to be.

The explosion always comes when everything seems so peaceful and harmonious.

I know things happen, I accept that, even when sometimes we've been taken off guard, when they snap or become angry, upset, stressed at an outcome they didn't expect or accept.

So when things become unravelled and highly strung, how do we show what has to be done without becoming stressed ourselves, resulting in the possibility of lashing out?

When I get angry and unexpectedly yell at A.J. without thinking, as my emotions are raw and the day is in a shambles, the result is always the same, I'm left feeling guilty.

While accepting that there may be times when our kids are unable to consume what is happening or going on around them, the lesson still has to be learnt, so if they don't understand, refuse to listen, or can't comprehend what we want, how do we get the message through to them?

Setting out some parenting habits that will be automatically initiated and become a part of our child's regular daily routine will give everyone a better understanding of what is expected from them and you.

One thing I set out early on with A.J. was the format of-

STOP, LOOK, LISTEN, THINK, DO!!

This of course was initiated before his diagnosis and although he never looked me directly in the eye he was still focusing enough for the process to work.

Of course this is going to work better 'before' the explosion hits.

1/- STOP – I would put my hand out in the stop signal and would verbally ask him to stop in a calm gentle tone.

2/- LOOK – once focused I would get to his level my sitting or squatting on the floor, and ask him to look at me, (to the best of their ability).

3/- LISTEN – I would then ask him to listen to my request, repeating it as needed (sometimes 3 or 4 times) still in calm gentle tones.

4/- THINK – then I allow time for it to be absorbed and understood, with him repeating the request back to me. After a while I found he would often repeat things to himself in a whispering tone as if to continually remind himself what he needed to do.

5/- DO – once completely understood, I would then ask that he do what was asked of him, helping him out as well when needed.

This process has been a big part of A.J.'s routine from an early age, and when all else fails, reverting back to this simple process normally would always works.

A lot of times when we have melt-down-moment issues arise it is due to a sudden change or unusual event/issue occurring, or sensory sensitivities, so setting out good habits that occur regularly with your child will normally give him/her the confidence needed to process different things in a more calmer manner.

Yes there will still be moments and melt-downs, but once the routine is established and understood this will in most situations help to settle things before the explosion hits, otherwise the next plan is to get him into the safety of his room till he is completely calm and settled, and then begin to initiate the process above.

The main areas to always focus on is to assure them of the knowledge they are safe and comfortable, they will be given a reasonable amount of quality time with undivided attention from each parent, assuring you also maintain equal interaction with all family members in a positive manner. Setting out some family traditions that are exciting, engaging and something that will become a regular part of their routine.