A Closer Insight.

(chapter 4)…

Explaining our little man’s thought process is best described as a ‘literal thinker’,

There is no ‘shades of grey’ just black and white, and a simple conversation can become so complex, with the over-analysing of every comment stated to him.

I go through a process, every time remembering to stop and think about how I say things, being 
direct and precise, using the exact words and phrases to be understood.

Using phrases such as - ‘jump over there’ will mean to actually jump, not that he needs to ‘move away’.

Stop,   Listen,   Think,   Do.

These four words have become so important to gain calm and progress while focusing on Consistency, Routine, and Repetition.

Please don’t let this entire process take away from the person!!

That cute little boy with the coy smile when you catch him dancing to his favourite song on his mp3 player, the intense focus and concentration he has while adding the final details to his fantasy figure drawings he loves to create.

Reverting into ‘his fantasy world’ of the Sony, DS, and computer games; or intently watching others playing board games such as Warhammer, we are amazed at how he can calmly focus on the progress of the game, then go and repeat the precise movements with his own soldier models in his room.

Inventing detailed buildings with Lego and blocks to create a fantasy world more intricate than any high profile architect would or could imagine, then lining up these creations, so precise in sequence and pattern form.

Playing so quiet and content while ever they are protected; once he has these models set up we dare not touch them, even moving them a millimetre was enough for him to notice and become upset and totally stressed.

These creations become imaginary barriers built to protect him from the world of ‘Reality’ that so often burnt him with what he perceives as the uncontrolled mayhem and bustle of an extreme world, dealing with the things that have to be done, but can’t, basically due to the pain and anxiety that it causes him.

Now at the age of 9 A.J. still struggles, at times frustrated, with his ‘newly labelled’ life, as do we. New experiences bring on new challenges, difficult for any family to comprehend, then made even more difficult by the ignorance of the outside world.

When he’s in a good mood that’s fine, others are amazed by his chatty, informative nature, bubbling with enthusiasm, the wisdom of knowledge far beyond his years.

But when he’s having a meltdown because of a bad day at school, sensory issues, etc, wanting to go home to the security of his room, this will cause stares and whispers, snickers and huffs!

Facing the outside world, the world of shopping, stores, he will describe as areas of mayhem and lost control; arranging a “major shopping expedition” (his words), I would never take him, that’s planned for when he can stay home, although if on the way home needing to grab a few things, I would have to itemise everything needed to him prior to leaving the car.

He would then systematically tally in his head what I had gathered then inform me when I had reached my limit, standing in front of me demanding that I ‘leave now’; explaining I had collected my limit and now it was time to go. 

Never try to add another item; he knows that it wasn’t on the list!

What list; I didn’t really have one!  

At home in his special world, one that protects him from the ‘Reality world’ of evil curses, helping him escape.

This secret imaginary world, the ‘Realm of Fantasy’, existing of soldiers and warriors, battles, wars, guns and ‘meli-weapons’, they are protecting him from all evils!

 This world symbolises ‘Control’.

No! He’s not a violent child.

Yes! He does know the difference between reality and imagination.

He just feels that ‘his world’ that he created, is his security.

Looking at the big picture, it does make sense!!! 

It’s where ‘he’ feels safe and in control!!

Finally after all the confusion at school and facing one full term being home-schooled and another term of partial school inclusion, he is finally allowed to return to fulltime attendance, although controlled by restrictions! No outside playground activity. No extracurricular involvement! That may in some ways be a good idea. Although explain, who is being punished and for what, protecting himself???

I know it isn’t easy, trying to understand his situation as a whole, although the realisation that this is an Autism disability we are dealing with, must be taken into consideration.

How can you educate the educators? How do you explain the melt-downs are a coping mechanism to release the stress and tension of a world he has no control over?

He didn’t mean to say the wrong words! He can’t express himself in the correct way! He’s not ‘trying to be rude’! He’s not ‘trying to be disrespectful’!

How do you explain that his ‘behaviour’ is not his fault? That no form of detention or discipline will make him understand he has done/said something wrong.

Yes address any situation ‘when’ it occurs.

Saying to him that…..‘The way you said/did that is wrong’; then follow with…..’Let’s try to say/do it like this’…….. Calm, settled, soothing tones will keep him focused then repetition will eventually have him understand, even if in a routinely fundamental way.

Think about how it may seem for someone with receptive and expressive language disorder; this means he doesn’t understand the formulation of language.

He hears words and sayings from different people; they are collected in his brains memory bank where they become jumbled in the wiring mechanisms.

Without the knowledge and understanding of how to properly use these phrases in conversations, he tries retrieving information to form responses. When the words come out, the simplest of phrases become misunderstood.

To him, he’s just saying, in robotic fashion, what he believes it should be.

Without realising he has said anything wrong!

 The refusals when someone is requesting anything from him…….

Can you get me the ball?

Would you like to do this worksheet?

……all he can see is you asked me a question, therefore I have a choice….

…..therefore I choose……….…..No!!!!

Once again, he wasn’t being rude, disrespectful, or cheeky. He honestly believed he had a choice with his answer!

Remembering also that as he has no concept of how to use or even what is…..a ‘correct tone’ -‘verbal expression’ -‘empathy’-‘disrespectful tone’. He wouldn’t realise when talking to someone he had commented in a way that displays these things in any statement he made!

......and so it goes on………..What does all this really mean anyway?

Facing all this I now question, where do we go from here???????