A Meltdown is not a Tantrum; and what that really means for our child!

A.J. tries to settle down and recover from the flu...

Anxiety is in overdrive plus at the moment, with the onset of winter hitting us with a vengeance and overtaking A.J.’s physical being, and his emotional balance is also suffering with changes in routines and unexpected situations occurring.

No matter how well we try to arrange everything, there always seems to be something that occurs to put a cog in the works, to slow-down or stop the smooth sailing process.

When things are running smoothly we can become complacent and forget to fine-tune things and then the results hit us with a crash-bang effect.

For A.J. it has been a mixture of events and ended today with the symptoms of a common cold sending him into a tail spin.

A stuffed-up runny nose as we all know can be annoying, but for A.J. it’s more than devastating. His whole world is crumbling as his lack of sleep from not being able to lie down and breath clearly is upsetting his balance; and with no concept of “Stop & Rest” the results have been an unsettled emotional outburst.

Its times like this I have to remind myself of the Meltdown effect and ways to bring him back to a harmonious balance without triggering another set of emotions………with the inconsolable emotional outburst that he cannot explain triggering a chain reaction of feelings.

This also reminds me of how others perceive our little one’s outbursts; and their perception that they are “dramatic little brats that need disciplining” as I once had stated to me…… believing that they are performing a well-rehearsed Tantrum to gain our attention and to give in to their ‘demands’.

Wanting to explain there is a difference between a Tantrum and a Meltdown, I became very adamant about ways we can describe the differences to those outside looking in that have never experienced the hardest part of living with sensory dysregulation…….

……this is what I came up with……

A Meltdown is not a Tantrum; and what that really means for our child!

Meltdowns are ‘involuntary’ reactions to over-stimulation (either cognitive or sensory),

Tantrums are ‘voluntary’ actions in order to manipulate someone for benefit.

Regardless of whether we are facing meltdowns or temper tantrums I personally believe we need to address it in the same way, giving settling comments using calm gentle tones.

Beginning with routine and repetition, by focusing on the positives our children do and say, and not obsessing over every single negative action and behaviour; by teaching habit forming positive behaviour and actions through ‘doing’ ourselves, we show how to overcome many of the issues that cause either action.

In saying that, we have to understand and be mindful of the reasons Meltdowns actually occur.

To determine a Meltdown we will notice-

The child ‘will not’ be looking at who is watching their behaviour to seek a reaction or for beneficial gain; their emotional being has control, not themselves directly.

Their body seems to be effected by the sensory imbalance from the Tactile (touch), Visual (sight), Auditory (hearing), Gustatory (taste), Olfactory (smell), Vestibular (balance),  Proprioception (body position/movement) or other external/internal emotional dysregulations (being an Abnormality/Impairment in the regulation of a metabolic, physiological, or psychological process).

To help our child during these times can be very difficult but not impossible.

Understanding why they are affected is the first step; to be aware of what may be happening it is best to observe the meltdown and possibly what may have occurred prior to the outburst. Sometime they may seem to “space-out” or there may have been a sudden loud noise such as lightning or a bang, maybe bright flashing lights, or a busy environment can be the cause, although even if “out of sorts” due to illness could trigger a meltdown.

The next thing is to assure that they are in a safe area without any thing that could cause harm to them, then find ways to comfort them, deep pressure, rocking, a toy, try talking with calm soothing tones to reassure them, if any of these cause an over-stimulation step back, you may just have to wait it out.

Once you have established the cause you can then assist them to understand what has happened and why. This is when being in a regular routine, with well set-out expectations and repetitious behaviour and habits will help. This will keep them calm and in control as well as help us with being aware of and avoiding any triggers; if like my child they cannot cope with something such as shopping centres due to the hustle and bustle noise and other issues, we know it’s best to avoid it, so I shop when hubby can keep him home, problem solved.

If sometimes it is unavoidable to face a trigger, such as a change in routine, something that seems minimal to us, such as their regular teacher is sick and they have a relief teacher, hopefully we can get a pre-warning and that will give us time to explain the changes and prepare them emotionally.

While remembering to give encouragement and praise to any little positive outcomes our child will attempt and always keep calm when coping with the unsettling times, eventually thing will begin to balance out; although we still have to accept that unexpected issues can and will arise, we also know that we can and do get through them.